Dismay

When I walked into the monastery, the fire was not crackling from Monk's room. The lights that dotted the corridor had been extinguished, but they were still smoking. A new, crimson rug covered the bulk of the floor. Monk was standing with his arms held in front of him at the far end of the hall, next to an old wooden door.

"Come." He beckoned me with an open arm. "It is time for your next lesson."

"Where are we going?" I asked him, glancing over at the still darkened quarters of Anger.

"We're going outside for this lesson."

I closed my eyes as I went through the open doorway. I was confused when I opened them once more. Monk closed the solitary door behind him, standing in the abyss of purgatory. 

"This is outside?" I asked.

"Why not?" He beamed. He walked past me, and held out his arm for me to follow. He walked further into the void, seemingly without a destination in mind.

"This place just reminds me of the early days with Good and Bad." I droned, putting my hands in my back pockets.

"I remember those days." He acknowledged.

"You do?"

"Of course," he laughed, "back in the day when I was nothing more than a voice in Good's head. Things were far simpler back then, were they not?"

"Yeah, they were."

There was a silence as we walked out into the abyss. My shoes clacked against the floor, and Monk's bare feet glided over the ground in a hush.

"So who are we talking about today?" I asked him.

"You tell me." He replied.

"Can we not go through this again?" I complained, rolling my eyes.

"I will give you the same answer every time you ask that same question." He waved a finger at me. "You need to be the one to tell me what is wrong."

"Okay." I sighed, peering around the vacuum. "I guess I'm feeling a little down with regards to the future."

"Anything different from what we discussed last time?"

"Yeah, actually." I pushed the hair out of my face. "I mean I guess I'm not feeling as optimistic as I usually am."

"Ah." He discovered, exhaling. "So this is a matter of Could and Would?"

"I guess?"

"Tell me more about them?"

"What is there to know about them? Would is a dismal, depressive shit head with an alcohol problem. And Could is a fucking Corgi."

"Watch your language?"

"Seriously though, why is Could a Corgi?"

"Because that is how you represent the ideal of optimism."

"That says a lot, doesn't it?"

"So why is it that you are having trouble listening to Could?" He changed.

"Because sometimes it's a really bad decision to be optimistic."

"How do you mean?"

"If you're optimistic in a hopeless situation, you're just wasting your time."

"This is true," he continued, "to an extent. But how often is it that you listen to Would?"

"Honestly?" I began. "I don't know. His voice doesn't stand out to readily."

"Could you think of a reason why listening to him would be beneficial?"

"I mean, maybe just as something good to look back on?"

"Not quite."

"Then why don't you explain?"

"Would is actually quite a complex emotion." He explained, speaking with his hands. "You view him, primarily, as a stark reminder to look back on the past and revel in your own selfish satiations. He creates the fantasies for you to escape to, but only after he convinces you that you could have done something different, in order to have made that fiction a reality."

"In that light, he sounds like nothing more than a nuisance."

"Not quite." Monk continued. "Because while he can disillusion you of your past decisions, he is your primary source of fear."

"Fear of what?"

"Fear of everything." He breathed. "Every time that you experience fear, or feel frightened, it stems from Would own created semblances."

"So listening to him is actually worth doing in certain occasions?"

"Correct." He stated. "For a human without so much as a remnant of fear, will be led down a road of destruction. Feeling fear will keep you alive when need be."

"But what about the rest of the time? Should I listen to him any other time?"

"No." He hissed, baring his teeth. "Because the same fear that he provides to keep you alive, will lock you in the past, and hold you from moving forward."

"So Could will keep me moving forward, but Would should keep his voice down?"

"In your everyday life, yes."

"But when things go wrong, their roles reverse." I carried on, explaining to myself. "Would will be the one to keep me alive, and Could should be the one to stay quiet?"

"You are coming along very nicely with regards to your emotions." He beamed.

"But why do they hate each other so much?" I asked. "All the others are opposites of themselves, but none of them dislike each other like Could and Would."

"Because fear and enthusiasm will always be at war with one another. But you must always remember, all of these emotions, regardless of what they say, are all just parts to the same whole. They are far similar with one another than you may ever know."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "I thought all of this was about looking at each emotion in comparison to its opposite, and then vice versa?"

"Yes, but only as a means to train you to become the master of your own emotions." He revealed, the door showing up once again in front of us. "But every emotion is connected to each other. And you will always be able to go from one emotion to another if you search, and find a way."

He opened the door, and the piercing white light bowed on the other side of the opening.

"Any last remarks?" I asked him, taking a step into the light. He cocked his head to the side, and then lowered it as the light consumed me.

"Never let fear turn you against your playful heart. You may fear, or you may love everything."