Vice

I never thought that the process would be so tiring. As I made my was up the stone stairs, I looked down onto the village, suspended in the void. It was growing color with each lesson. Maybe me learning more about them made the world more colorful?

"I think you'll like today's lesson." Monk told me, standing in front of the main door.

"You actually leave the monastery?" I asked him with a grin.

"On occasion." He bowed, motioning for the door. I nodded as I walked past. I pushed the door open, but it did not lead into the inside. It led into a forest.

"I think I've been here before." I said aloud. 

"You have." Monk replied, closing the door behind him. I looked at the other side of the nearby river. There was a small clearing, surrounded by burnt stumps. Footsteps were dotted into the exposed topsoil.

"That's where Bad went crazy for the first time," I turned to face him, "wasn't it?"

"It was." Monk nodded, sitting in the grass near the river. "Does that lead you into why we are here?"

"Are we talking about Anger?" I asked.

"Actually," he said, "no it is not."

"Really?" I said, surprised. 

He nodded, and pointed once again to the other side of the creek. I saw something I hadn't saw before. There were bronze bottles scattered in the remaining patches of grass.

"Oh," I hesitated, "so we're talking about Host?"

"Correct."

"He kind of seems like an idiot." I started. I turned to Monk. He looked out into the forest. "But let me guess, there's some confound reason I should listen to him because he plays a role that is larger than I expect?"

He finally turned to me. He would be smiling if he could.

"Before we look at what Host truly does, we must first look at his opposite; Soul."

"I haven't seen her in a while."

"And why do you think that is?"

"I honestly have no idea."

"What does she do?"

"I don't know?"

"You do." He sighed. "She has told you before."

"No she hasn't?"

"Immediately after the split; where you dissected Good and Bad into what they truly are. She was there."

"Oh yeah," I exclaimed, "she deals with common sense doesn't she?"

"Yes."

"So what you mean to say is that I haven't been using a whole lot of common sense as of late? That's why I haven't seen her?"

He shrugged.

"Okay I'm not that bad."

"It's not that you haven't been utilizing common sense, it’s just that other emotions are more powerful than she is."

"Like who?"

"All of them."

"No they aren't."

"Yes," he emphasized, "they are. Any one emotion has the power to overpower Soul; even me. But as of late, other emotions like Love, and Could have been making the decisions for you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not all decisions are made with reference to common sense."

"So you're saying that I should listen to her more?"

"Honestly," he started, holding up his hand, "I think you are doing fairly well with her."

"Why is she just a ball of light?" I asked. "And what's with her voice changing?"

"She is just how you connect common sense; the wisest people you know are women."

"I mean yeah," I began, "so why isn't she just my mom? Or grandmother?"

"Because there is more than one figure that provides you with wisdom. Some of them are men as well. It is how you perceive them in a single amalgamation; her appearance is nothing more than an avatar that you created."

"Could that be said about us?" I asked.

"How so?"

"That we're avatars too. We'll never be the avatar that we intend to be."

"So then what are we?"

"When we hold up the undeveloped film to the light, we don't see ourselves in the film. We aren't the film; we are the light that shines through."

"That was very insightful." Monk declared.

There was a silence in the forest. The water danced off the rocks in the creek, and birds called to each other in the distance.

"So then," I cut in, "what role does Host play?"

"He is your release." Monk told me. "He is your release into unconsciousness; that's what he prefers."

"He drinks from the bottles that drain him dry."

"No." He stopped me.

"That's what he told me when I met him."

"He drinks from the bottles that drain you dry."

"So," I hesitated, "do I stop drinking?"

"Only if you see it fit." He replied. "To keep him under control, do not let pleasure, and a release to the unconscious become your vice."

"But a lot of things do that for me; not just drinking." I exclaimed. "Just sitting on my bed and not moving gives me a release to the unconscious."

"A vice is a flaw." He began, slightly agitated. "A critical flaw; a shortcoming. Relaxing is fine, and healthy for you. But doing things that will become a hindrance are not."

"So why listen to him then?"

"He plays a much larger role in your own courage."

"Oh well in that case, he isn't shouting loud enough."'

Monk sat up and sighed, looking at me.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Many people call alcohol 'liquid courage.' They're right to a degree."

"So when Host takes control, I make better decisions?"

"No, you find the courage to go through with those decisions; he certainly does not come up with them."

"I'm not quite sure I follow."

"If you ever feel completely at ease making a decision that will forever change the course of your life, you are not thinking through enough. Those decisions, whether or not they will ultimately lead into a new life, or have the potential to do so, so should be very uncomfortable making that decision." 

"So," I asked, still confused, "Host gives me that assurance?"

"No." He breathed. "The others will deliberate on whether or not to do something righteous. But they will never be the ones to push you forward. But Host will always be willing to do so. But be wary."

"Because he'll try to push no matter what?"

"Exactly."

I stopped, and tried to follow his gaze out into the forest. The sky grew lighter. It was time to go.

"We are almost done." Monk whispered.

"Two more deliberations?" I asked.

"Yes."

"And what then?"

"I do not know."

"If the goal of all of this is to come to grips with myself, I'll know myself by then. What happens after?"

"There will be more." He laughed.

"What?"

"Only those who are the shallowest, ever fully know themselves."