Corrupt

I walked with painful steps up to the monastery. Each step took a burden on my soul. The door swung wide, and Monk was waiting near the throne for me.

"Are you alright?" He asked, walking over to meet me. 

"I don't know." I shuddered.

"I'm going to go ahead and assume that we are dealing with love once more, correct?"

"I don't know what to do." I whimpered, doubling over.

"Speak." He responded, leading me to his quarters. "Tell me what you are feeling."

"You know about the other night, right?"

"I do indeed." He stated, having me sit on the bed while he sat on the floor in front of me. "The first time in a long while that you have felt the warm embrace of another."

"It didn't feel right."

"I'm sure the King will beg to differ." He chuckled. I looked up and glared at him, and he stopped.

"I apologize." He bowed his head. "Please tell me what you are feeling."

"I don't know what I'm feeling anymore." I replied. "But it still just didn't feel right."

"What makes you say this?"

"I don't know!" I shouted, making him jump. "I don't know why I'm feeling like this! I should be elated! I should be at peace! But I'm not! I've never felt more distressed."

"I fear that I know what you're going to say."

"I fear that since I've been alone for so long, through such pivotal parts of my life, that I'm too far gone."

He got up and slowly paced towards the fire. I could hear him breathing quietly.

"I've been alone for so long; I'm scared that I'm supposed to be alone. I've trained myself to deal with life alone. And now that I can feel the touch of someone else's skin, I resent it. I'm not supposed to though."

"I knew that Love was not whole." He stated, placing the tea pot in the fire. "But I did not know the extent to which she was."

"Is she fighting against me?" I pleaded. "She's supposed to make me feel love! But now that I can, she won't let me."

"This is not solely her own fault." He assured. "She has been through just as much as you have, perhaps even more. When you deal with heartbreak, she steps forward to take the full front of it. Then she steps back into the shadows to let the others take care of you."

I shuddered in the stillness. Monk did not turn to look at me, rather he glared into the fire.

"I've haven't felt a peaceful bliss like that in a while. With her breath on my shoulder, and her arms around me. But I haven't slept since then, I've never been more at arms with myself."

Monk did not say anything. He continued to look into the fire steam starting to come out of the teapots spout.

"Maybe I'm destined to be alone?" I mumbled into my hands. "The one who's destined to lock himself into his vaulted keep, and sit upon the highest tower, laid to rest alone with his stories. The ones that he throws onto paper, and the ones that haunt his mind. But there will be no one else within the keep, for every time that someone comes close, the stories force me to shoo them away."

"We are not preordained to destiny." Monk finally said. "No one person, whoever has or ever will exist, has a destiny. Life only becomes great to live once you make it worth something to live. And the more you say, the more I suspect that King is the one who is corrupt."

I looked up at him through watered eyes.

"King has no power." He turned. "He is nothing more than a gatekeeper, to guard the grandest and most complicated emotion that we will ever experience. He haunts and torments you when there are no souls drifting past his gate, but then he keeps them out once they try to enter?"

I didn't say a word. The fire calmed itself, and steam from the teapot subsided.

"This is a far greater problem than I expected." He announced. "For while Love is still broken and shattered from a history of neglect, the King lets no one in, even the ones who may help her become whole once more."

I stared out into the hallway. Monk turned back to face the fire.

"I thought the embrace of a lover would save me." I whispered. "But this is just an all-time low."

"You mean to say that you are uncomfortable?" Monk asked. 

"Extremely." I replied. I could see the light shining brighter through the windows in the hallway.

"Then there is only one way to pass through your current predicament."

I looked up at him.

"The only way in which you may grow as a human being, is to become comfortable, with being uncomfortable."